“Pay Your Child To Read”- Chimamanda Adichie On Child Care, Feminism

​Award-winning Nigerian novelist Chimamanda Adichie posted a brilliant, honest essay on her facebook wall on the 12th of october 2016, titled ‘DEAR IJEAWELE, OR A FEMINIST SUGGESTIONS IN FIFTEEN SECONDS’. The essay was an advice to her friend, a newly-birthed mother whom Adichie referred to as ‘Ijeawele’. The name of the baby girl in question was Chizalum.

In the witty, concise piece, Adichie lays down fiteen crucial rules for raising a feminist daughter. Her rules range from “Unapologetic Attitude”, to “Absolute self awareness”, and, most importantly, “Kindness”. Adichie states some of the ‘absurd’ sentiments towards feminism and dissolves them into nothingness.

On child care between parents, Adichie tells her friend:

And please reject the language of help. Chudi is not ‘helping’ you by caring for his child. He is doing what he should. When we say fathers are ‘helping,’ we are suggesting that childcare is a mother’s territory, into which fathers valiantly venture. It is not. Can you imagine how many more people today would behappier, more stable, better contributors to the world, if only their fathers had been actively present in their childhood? And never say that Chudi is

‘babysitting’ – people who babysit are people for whom the baby is not a primary responsibility. Chudi does not deserve any special gratitude or praise, nor do you – you both made the choice to bring a child into the world, and the responsibility for that child belongs equally to you both. It would be different if you were a single mother, whether by circumstance or choice, because ‘doing it together’ would then not be an option. But you should not be a ‘single mother’ unless you are truly a single mother. My friend Nwabu once told me that, because his wife left when his kids were young, he became ‘Mr. Mom,’ by which he meant that he did the daily care-giving. But he was not being a ‘Mr. Mom,’ he was simply being a dad.

On behavioral patterns of boys and girls, Adichie says;

A young woman once told me that she had for years behaved ‘like a boy’ – she liked football and was bored by dresses – until her mother forced her to stop her ‘boyish’ interests and she is now grateful to her mother for helping her start behaving like a girl. The story made me sad. I wondered what parts of herself she had needed to silence and stifle, and I wondered about what her spirit had lost, because what she called ‘behaving like a boy’ was simply that

she was behaving like herself.

Adichie further states:

Ofcourse I am angry. I am angry about racism. I am angry about sexism. But I am angrier about sexism than I am about racism. Because I live among many people who easily acknowledge race injustice but not gender injustice.

On books, Chimamanda says;

Teach Chizalum to read. Teach

her to love books. The best way is by casual example. If she sees you reading, she will understand that reading is valuable. If she were not to go to school, and merely just read books, she would arguably become more knowledgeable than a conventionally educated child. Books will help her understand and question the world, help her express herself, and help her in whatever she wants to become – a chef, a scientist, a singer all benefit from the skills that reading brings. I do not mean school books. I mean books that have nothing to do with school, autobiographies and novels and histories. If all else fails, pay her to read. Reward her. I know of this incredible Nigerian woman who was raising her child in the US; her child did not take to reading so she decided to pay her 5 cents per page. An expensive endeavor, she later joked, but a worthy investment.

The essay was published on her facebook wall by her publishers Alfred A Knopf, and it triggered both well meaning comments and backlash. A certain commenter was known to have called her a hopeless feminist. But, of course, Adichie would not see that. Her facebook account is not managed by her.

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