Love & Relationship

Eight turn-offs to avoid during sex

Published

6 years ago

March 2, 2019

Sex is seen by many as a profound way of expressing love and strengthening intimacy , but beyond that , it ’ s an obligation in marriage.And inasmuch as couples want to have a good time during a romp in the sack , findings have shown that there are habits , dispositions , attitudes and commentaries that could come from either of them and are capable of making the partner to lose interest in the act , no matter the eagerness or preparation. It should also be noted that some of these issues could come into play before or during sex .

Some of these turn – offs include :

Body shaming : Defined as the action or practice of humiliating someone by making critical or mocking comments about their body shape or size, body shaming , especially before or during sex , is one factor that could make people to suddenly lose interest in sex even if they have been aroused already . And even if the negative or uncomplimentary comments had been made earlier , it could still derail their libido if it comes to mind during that session . For example , men are very sensitive about the size of their penis, thus if a woman describes it as small or mock them for not being able to make good use of what they have , it could make such a man lose interest. Likewise , women are particular about their breasts , bum and belly . Thus , telling a woman she has droopy or tiny breasts or protruding belly could rattle her ego and make her lose interest in the act . Thus , couples are always advised against making any uncomplimentary remarks about their partner ’ s body .

Poor hygiene: Attractiveness has been described as one of the ingredients of good time in bed , and its impact on the act cannot be overemphasised . Poor body hygiene , especially when the bad smell oozes from the armpit , unkempt hair ( especially for women ) or smelly private parts , could make some people want to puke and ultimately make them lose interest in sex . It is equally worthy of note that some people are irritated by the sight of unshaved armpit , untrimmed beards and body sweat . This explains why people are advised to have a shower before sex and stay tidy, if not for themselves , but for their partners.

Mouth odour : From findings , not many people could put up with someone with bad breath . Perhaps , it could still be endured if it stops at feeling it from the distance , but it becomes a different experience if it comes to kissing , which is one of the passionate , romantic activities that ( could ) go along with sexual intercourse. Thus , whether at the beginning or in the middle of sexual intercourse a man or woman attempts to kiss the partner and they are met with an unpleasant smell , it could breed instant irritation and make them lose interest in the act . It should be noted , however , that bad breath, which is also halitosis , could be mild or chronic . But regardless of its severity , it turns people off .

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Distraction : Fiddling with the remote , pointing at an image on the television screen, reading a text message , grabbing a biscuit to munch and even reading newspaper during sexual intercourse could spell doom for the exercise . This , according to findings , is because it could imply disconnect or that the person is not enjoying the act and had to find a way to get busy , which could also make the other person to lose interest and withdraw . Thus , instead of being the only one enjoying it , couples are always advised to discuss their reservations with their partners.

Premature or excessively delayed ejaculation /orgasm : Orgasm is the sudden discharge of accumulated sexual excitement during the sexual response cycle , resulting in rhythmic muscular contractions in the pelvic region characterised by sexual pleasure. It ’ s the climax of sexual excitement , but the times it takes to reach that region differs between men and women . Men reach orgasm faster than women . Therefore , women tend to lose interest in sex , even in the middle of it , if the man ejaculates quickly as it leaves them hanging. And it could be worsened by the fact that the man could sleep off afterwards . Also , a woman could lose interest if it takes the man too long to ejaculate . Likewise for women , a man could lose interest if the woman does not reach orgasm after so much effort . This explains why couples are advised to discuss their sexual needs with their partners.

Pain : It is a common saying that no one can hide the shock of being electrocuted . Likewise, given the sensitive nature of the sexual organs , excessive force or being too hard on the partner could be painful for the person, which could bring the whole exercise to an abrupt end . For men , the pain could result from a dry vagina – perhaps due to no foreplay , or the penis being roughly handled by the woman . For the woman, the pain could come from being too hard on the nipples or excessive thrusting . Thus , people are often advised to be sensitive to the complaints of their partners during the exercise , because they could lose interest if the pain persists .

Shaved /unshaved pubic hair : This could be seen as similar to hygiene , but they are different . This is because having pubic hair is not synonymous with poor genital hygiene , according to experts . The National Health Service in the United Kingdom pointed out that like most things on the body , pubic hair does have a purpose. “ It acts as a barrier , protecting against potentially harmful bacteria and viruses entering the body , and the regular act of shaving can lead to skin irritation and damage, ” it added . But , in spite of its benefits , some people are irritated by it and would prefer that their partner trims it at all times , else they would be irritated and withdraw from the act . But , interestingly , there are also people who prefer that their partner leaves it , saying it is a good turn – on for them . Thus , people are advised to find a common ground between what their partners want and what they want so that their sex life remains active and for them to also be happy with themselves .

Passive partner : It has been said that the best form of sex is one that is participatory , in which case both the man and woman play their part . But there are instances where one party is not interested in the act , maybe at a given time , and they remain passive during the exercise. This , according to findings , could discourage the other person from continuing with the act .

But speaking on the turn – offs for people in marriage, a professor of psychology , Toba Elegbeleye , said such issues would usually be magnified when there are some basic problems in the union .

He said , “ When people get married , what sustains marriage is not even love , it is the value that the person is adding to you . Every human being looks for value , whether in marriage or at work , and that is what keeps it going . If it seems to you that this person is not adding value to you , there is bound to be a problem and that is when all those points you highlighted would be magnified.

“ There are reasons why you adore your spouse , but many people reduce it to mere sex , which is not true . If the person adds value to you , you are not likely going to have such issues. But if there is no addition of value , irritation would surface and both of them would have serious issues to grapple with . That is when they would begin to make excuses . ”

He, however , identified communication , patience and perseverance as integral to resolving misgivings in marriage.
He added , “ People need to use their heads when going into marriage, not based on blind love , which psychology tells us does not last more than 13 months , or infatuation , which psychology says does not last more than three years . It will last more if you cannot get the object of your desire, but if it is available to you , it won ’ t go beyond that . ”