News

6 essential steps you must take to deal with past emotional stability (#1 will shock you)

Published

9 years ago

September 20, 2015

How do you deal with past emotional life so it doesn’t ruin
your present relationship or life style? Here are 6 essential steps you must take to solve them :

1 Realizing the past: Realizing where it started matters most, from there you should know what to anticipate and how to avoid the common
relationship pitfalls. The number one mistake we make is bringing the
past into the present. Any unfinished business needs to be cleaned up
as part of the closure process so you can move on in life.

2. Identify your issues. You
can’t deal with something, if you don’t know what it is. Analyze your
childhood and other significant relationships. What has happened in each
of those that have left you with hurts, wounds, and scars? What roles
did you play in those relationships and what patterns can you identify
that are reoccurring? Once you know how you have been impacted by prior
relationships, you can see which issues have the potential to affect
your current ones.

4. Identify your reations towards it. One
of the hallmarks of past emotional baggage is that it is riddled with
triggers. A trigger is something that reminds you of the past, thereby
bringing up the old feelings, memories, and reactions. If your prior
partner cheated on you, a trigger might be his talking to another woman
at a party or walking away from you to talk on his cell. These triggers
would cause you to feel distrustful and suspicious.

5. Identify your expressions.
Once you recognize that you have triggers, you can then identify your
reaction to them. What do you do when you feel distrustful, suspicious,
neglected, pressured, controlled, or mistreated? Past baggage often
results in emotional reactivity which is often an over-reaction to
current circumstances. When you know how you react to things that
trigger your past baggage, you can begin to change them.

5. Identify your reality.
Even when you know you are reacting to the past, the feelings can be so
intense that it can be hard to react differently. Force yourself to
identify your current reality. Do you have evidence your current partner
is unfaithful? If not, then recognize that truth. Use your mind to
counter the thoughts and feelings that aren’t reality today.

6. Identify your new character.
Once you have done all these things, you can then choose how you want
to act. It is okay to share your feelings with your partner, as long as
you own them as a part of your past that you are working through. This
helps your partner to understand who you are without feeling that you
are blaming or accusing. Choose how you want to act and do the necessary
work on yourself until that behavior becomes your new normal.

(written by AnekStar)